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„Do you feel there is something wrong with your relationship? Maybe the problem isn't you at all. Maybe you "just" have a hidden narcissist in your life…“

What does a toxic relationship looks like?

Let's not immediately look for a toxic person behind every problematic relationship...

But if you take a few hits with the below conditions (or even all of them), know that this is what the result of long-term manipulation and prolonged psychological and emotional abuse by a toxic personality looks like.

How does a toxic manipulator manifest?

A manipulator (narcissist, psychopath, pathological liar...) often uses various methods aimed at destroying the personality of the manipulated person.

The most common behavioral traits you will find in manipulators are the following:

Egoism - does not take into account the needs, wishes and interests of other people, always defending their own. It does not pay attention to the requests of others, often claiming the opposite and pretending to be interested, but only for selfish reasons.
No respect - does not treat others as equals.
Guilt - often tries to induce it in the other person, whether by pointing out faults, criticising, ridiculing and condemning.
Making excuses - often fails to keep common agreements and conventions, constantly making excuses.
Lying and denial - some manipulators will deny promises, agreements, or start accusing you of something you didn't do.
Emotional blackmail - to get his way, he tries to arouse strong emotions (fear, guilt) by crying, screaming, blaming or flattery. It can completely disrupt a family.
Invades the personal space of others - not only physically, but also subtly changes the familiar environment so that others feel uncomfortable and uncomfortable.
Comparing you to others - may also compare you negatively to someone else or use general terms such as, "everyone" or "even he thinks so", etc. The aim is to knock your confidence.
Gifts and favors - Gives gifts, tries to please, flatters, and unexpectedly shows small favors, thus making his victim morally obligated.
He/she transfers responsibility to others.
Vague and evasive behavior - does not communicate his/her demands clearly, responds mostly vaguely, and changes his/her attitude according to the situation and the person with whom he/she is communicating.
Insecurity - often raises false fears designed to make you unsure and undermine your decisions and confidence in yourself.
Indirect communication - likes to communicate indirectly. Through a third person, in writing, etc.
Flattery - often says what he thinks the other person wants to hear to gain trust and attention and later uses this to his advantage.
Lying - lies and distorts the statements of others.
Playing the victim - often makes himself the victim so that others will feel sorry for him and pay attention to him.
Creating conflict - creates discord and conflict between people (family, friends, colleagues...) and encourages suspicion.
Physical discomfort - makes others feel uncomfortable in his presence.
Moral principles - demands perfection from others, the immutability of opinions, and uses the moral principles of others to fulfill one's own needs. Often violates these principles himself.
Envy - envies even persons very close to him/her. He tries to deprive others of their success, energy, and satisfaction.
Hates criticism - can deny even obvious facts and often turns criticism immediately against others.
Pretender - plays at being "something more". Focuses on the ignorance of others and thus tries to give the impression that he/she "has the upper hand".
Taking advantage of others - is consistent in pursuing his or her own goal, but at the expense of others.
False credibility - his/her verbal speech sounds logical, but his attitudes, actions, or way of life suggest otherwise.
Aggressiveness and intimidation - at first he may scare you with anger. If that doesn't work, sometimes it suddenly switches to a pleasant mood. This will reassure you that you are willing to go along with whatever he or she asks you to do.
Threats and ridicule - they will be happy to bring up dirt from the past on you and remind you of it when it is least appropriate.
People who know him/her still talk about him even when he/she is not present.

Clearly, there can be many more variations of manipulation.

Often manipulators can be very creative in terms of different methods and ways to make you uncomfortable and weak to get what they want.

How does it feel to be in a toxic relationship with a manipulator?

Go through the following points to see if you can recognize yourself in them.

YOU FEEL LIKE...

There's something "wrong with you". But when you think of going to a coach or therapist, you don't know what it is or what you should tell them
You suffer from "illogical" fear, anxiety or panic attacks
You suffer from compulsive feelings of guilt and responsibility for the "happiness", "contentment" and emotional states of your surroundings
You feel that you cannot express your opinions and feelings openly
You never know exactly "where you stand"
You are often (actually all the time) somehow "explaining", rationalizing, and excusing confusing, demeaning, aggressive (covert and passive aggression counts too !!!) and/or otherwise hurtful behavior by your "otherwise awesome and loving" partner/parent/boss
You feel that you are in a vicious circle and confusion of conflicting thoughts and feelings, and are unable to distinguish what is actually true and what can be relied upon
You feel that you are a hypersensitive hysteric who "freaks out about everything", even when nothing is happening to her"
Too often you are quietly frothing inside with rage
Too often you "meet yourself" as you apologize again and again and don't know what for and constantly defend yourself
You feel chronically exhausted, lacking energy or zest for life ... as if you are a shell or shadow of who you used to be (or feel you really are)
Too often you hear yourself saying "I don't know" and "I don't care" when you know you have an opinion, you don't care and you don't agree with what is being proposed and you don't want to
Despite all the praise and support from your partner/parent/boss, you can't shake the feeling that it's never "enough" and/or "right"
You criticize and judge yourself too often
Too often you are ashamed of yourself (and of even existing)
Too often you need to reassure yourself about something
You have a constant subconscious feeling that you "owe" your partner/parent/boss something
You feel "paranoid already" ... you can't shake the subconscious feeling that "big brother is constantly watching and checking up on you at every turn" but you have nothing to "hold on to", nothing to "point the finger" at to prove it
You feel that you have lost interest in sex or that you are experiencing "unexplained" difficulties in this area, etc.
You feel that you are "alone with this", that "no one else sees this but you" ... you feel deeply alone "with this"
You are consumed by doubts about your own "sanity" and the question of whether you are "really not crazy anymore" when you "see something that is not"
You're on antidepressants, you're seeing therapists and it's still the same or worse
And last but not least, you suffer from all too frequent confusing fears and suspicions about whether you're being selfish, self-centered, insensitive, and hurtful egotists and the nagging question of whether you're a narcissist

Sounds familiar?

Let´s STOP Toxicity in Your Life

You may not even realize that you are actually being manipulated, intimidated, and heavily exploited.

You may feel uncomfortable or even angry inside, but on the surface, the manipulator may use words that are pleasant, appropriate, or that play on your sympathy or guilt.

Thus, you often deny your instinctive feelings and don't know how to defend yourself against such behavior.

Unless you want to become easy prey for manipulation by various narcissists, personality disorders, sociopaths, and other emotionally dependent persons...

…this is the best time to STOP THE MANIPULATION AND TOXIC BEHAVIOR!

Frequently Asked Questions

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How long does the challenge last?

I'm not sure I'm in a toxic relationship. Can I sign up for the challenge?

Is it just for love relationships or can I apply it to my boss as well?

P.S.: Welcome to the post script section of the page. You can have one or several of these. This part is all about loss aversion. Here is where you can remind your reader that if they don't jump on this opportunity right now they will be missing out.